so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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