I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
