I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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