i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
