So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
