How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
