no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And then he peed in my hair
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