I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The uberlube is also flammable
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
