my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
