My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
