No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
