and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
