I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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