sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
