your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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