please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Randomize
