he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
