I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
