This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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