im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
