Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
