I can text with my tongue
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's shark week go big or go home
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
