There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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