You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
