She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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