Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
