i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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