did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
