so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
