census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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