OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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