Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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