Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
