it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
