do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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