she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm always down for nudity.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
