Umm I'm too high to move.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
