Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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