Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
