look no pants
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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