I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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