the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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