Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
