drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
