It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
