Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
