I puked a lego.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
