i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
