my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
