you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
